Aimee K
I received a very thoughtful and insightful text this week that also posed a few questions to me. The preface to the questions was so articulate and reflective of deep understanding that I wanted to respond more formally than a text conversation would allow.
I think a human mediator between us and God has always been an appealing crutch or expedient. In ancient times there were pagan priests, then Catholic priests, then Protestant priests. I can see how it would be attractive for busy people to leave God’s appeasement to trained priests who knew the rituals that were supposed to placate their god(s), let the priests do the heavy lifting and we’ll just follow the protocol they outline so we can be holy and receive divine blessings.
When we do sin (or even in preparation for planned sins), we can make an offering or pay the priest to be forgiven by God, that kind of mentality. But the prophets throughout the ages always called for a personal relationship with God and His angels, a relationship as one might have with family or friends, without a mediator, without ritualistic, ceremonial busywork. But the old temptation of leaving our relationship with God to somebody else still lingers in one form or another.
You are exactly right! And you’ve recognized a human weakness and pattern that goes back to nearly the beginning of time.
You can’t have a model for Zion in which there is ‘some big Strongman’ leading you. Moses is the perfect example of one of the greatest Strongmen in history. And Zion failed in his day precisely because they wanted him to go speak to God for them, rather than they going to speak to God directly. Zion requires a people to rise up, and it’s foundations cannot be laid otherwise.
The vernacular used here might be different than you’re used to. The New Jerusalem and the paradise that exists after Christ returns is what is meant by Zion.
After Israel had been freed from bondage Moses again went up the mountain, and he talked with God, and “spoke with Him face-to-face” (Exodus 33:11 KJV).
Moses wanted to bring this newly liberated people up the mountain with him so that they too would speak with God and be in His presence, face-to-face. That’s what Moses sought after because God commanded him to “bring up this people” (Exodus 33:12). Once accomplished, Moses’ status as the leader would have ended because no one would need to say to another, “Know ye the Lord,” for they all would know him.
This “Know ye the Lord” prophecy is about Zion in the last days. (Jer. 31: 33-34.) The establishment of the prophesied city of peace requires people to know God, and not merely one individual acting as a liaison.
Moses invited the people to go up the mountain and converse with God personally. From the base of the mountain and at the prospect of ascending up, the people became overwhelmed.
“And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off. And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die. And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not. And the people stood afar off, and Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was.”
Exodus 20:18
When the people refused to rise up, it ended the possibility of Moses laying down his burden of leadership and God establishing Zion.
The Strongman model is the opposite of Joel’s prophecy (Joel 2:28, KJV):
“And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh;”
(Again we read the “flesh. It is here. Now. You. The living. The breathing. In the flesh.)
“…and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions: And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my spirit. And I will shew wonders in the heavens and in the earth, blood, and fire, and pillars of smoke. The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day of the LORD come. And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as the LORD hath said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call.”
The “Strongman” model is the opposite of that prophecy. It would prevent Zion. Why? Because God must dwell among the people. If He does not dwell among the people it is impossible to have Zion because Zion is a place where God comes to dwell among them. And if God is dwelling among the people, no one need say, “Know ye the Lord,” for everyone shall know Him who is there. (Jer. 31: 34.)
It wasn’t that the people weren’t capable. There were individuals among them that were making progress toward that end. God will never ask of us something that we cannot accomplish, and it is never meant to be done at once. Rather line upon line and step by step.
Two of the men in the camp led by Moses, Eldad, and Medad had the Spirit rest upon them so they began to prophesy. A couple of young men were alarmed and ran and told Moses of this spiritual outpouring that was taking place:
Joshua…son of Nun, the servant of Moses, one of [the] young men, answered and said, My lord Moses, forbid them. …Moses said unto him, Do you envy for my sake? Would to God that all the Lord’s people were prophets, and that the Lord would put his spirit upon them! (Numbers 11:28-29; see also Numbers 7:19 RE)
Moses was not jealous of someone having revelation. He welcomed it. He understood what it would take to create a people of God. He was not jealous that there happened to be two of the people of God within the camp, demonstrating the gifts given to the people of God. The “Strongman” model with only one prophetic figure will not work if you seek Zion and it undermines Moses’ desire for all men to be prophets.
During the period of the Restoration (1820 to 1844), not much had changed in human nature. People still preferred to lazily rely upon a Strongman for their communication from God rather than seeking Him directly.
President Joseph Smith read the 14th chapter of Ezekiel—said the Lord had declared by the Prophet, that the people should each one stand for himself, and depend on no man or men in that state of corruption of the Jewish church—that righteous persons could only deliver their own souls—applied it to the present state of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—said if the people departed from the Lord, they must fall—that they were depending on the Prophet, hence were darkened in their minds, in consequence of neglecting the duties devolving upon themselves, envious towards the innocent, while they afflict[ed] the virtuous with their shafts of envy. (TPJS p. 237-238)
This was a call by Joseph Smith for the people to rise up, to lay hold upon the promises laid out in scripture. The people needed to rise up and become a people of holiness, those who could and would commune with God.
The false construct of the “Strongman” has got to be replaced because it tempts you to neglect the duty devolving upon each of us.
The Strongman model WILL. NOT. WORK.
Even after waking up to institutional corruption, the temptation is still strong. At one point I had a question that I thought I could pose to someone within this Remnant movement whom I greatly respected.
Rather than chastising me, the Lord impressed to my mind, “Why don’t you ask me?” It wasn’t a rebuke. That would have broken my heart. It felt rather like a sad question. He wanted me to ask Him!
And often those who reject all mediating organized religions just end up lost in a pathless waste without a sense of direction, overwhelmed by potential possibilities without the limitation of codified doctrines and dogmas. They throw up their hands in defeat and forget about spirituality, put it on the back burner, so to speak. They are waiting for God to speak up and do something, show Himself in their lives, give them some direction, some inspiration.
The collateral damage from institutional corruption is real. I shared with one of my brothers early on the things that I had learned regarding the apostasy of the church. Despite the good that I had also found and shared; that God was still at work elsewhere, he chose instead to focus on the deep sense of betrayal. He lost all faith in God and in the promises of the scriptures. His moral compass is still intact, and he is still dedicated fiercely to his family.
Truth is resilient and can withstand scrutiny. I have some degree of optimism that he will work his way back into recognizing the reality of God, if only in the testimony of His intelligent design all around us.
But how, one might ask, can one expect to receive divine direction if one is not actively seeking it out?
But Zion said, The Lord has forsaken me, and my Lord has forgotten me. Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you upon the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.
Isaiah 49: 14-16 KJV; Isaiah 7:17 RE
For the Lord has called you as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth when you were refused, says your God. For a small moment have I forsaken you, but with great mercies will I gather you. In a little wrath I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on you, says the Lord your Redeemer. […] For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from you, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, says the Lord that has mercy on you.
Isaiah 54:6-10 KJV, Isaiah 19:4 RE
This is the Lord who is saying he will not, nor cannot forget you. The earth itself will fade away and yet His kindness shall not depart from you. He is not aloof. He is not distant. He will not leave your petitions unanswered, even if on behalf of your family who are recovering from the institutional abuse they’ve suffered.
If anything, I think, my family has become more spiritual over time, because we’re no longer focusing on all our disagreements and grievances with the organization, we’re focusing on a personal relationship with God rather than maintaining reverence for an organization of men who teach traditions of men. Hard part is actually attaining a personal relationship with God.
Oddly enough, it sure is a whole lot easier to just “do this task, study this book on this day and that book on that day, preach this many hours a week, go to meetings twice a week,” etc.. When you’re under the spell the prescribed school-like tasks make you feel like you’re a good spiritual Christian, despite the fact that even though the organization calls it “spiritual food, spiritual things,” in reality it has nothing to do with actual spirituality and everything to do with theocratic order.
You’re right! It’s so much easier to have a to do list that you can check off. It requires diligent attention and effort to discern the voice of the Lord and His commandments for each of us individually.
Given the choice of spending the day going door to door because that’s what the Pharisees ask…are we also willing to buy a sandwich for the homeless man because we felt so impressed upon by God’s spirit? Certainly we can do both, but are we still open to following the prompting when our energies are spent and goodness established within the community by having checked the box?
We are lulled into a sense of false security and self-righteousness when we accept for doctrines the commandments of men. (Mark 7:6-9)
But here I am criticizing, it is tempting to do, but it’s not upbuilding, we’re all trying to overcome that and start focusing on things we actually believe are true and worthwhile rather than wasting time lambasting imperfect people who know no better. I definitely believe the leaders of the organization have good intentions, but their actions, especially lately, clearly demonstrate that, regardless of whether they know it, if they’re being inspired to make decisions, that inspiration ain’t from God, that’s for certain. I think it’s naturally symptomatic of our disillusionment, but I’d like to move on. Grumbling doesn’t do anybody any good.
I’m sure you encountered a similar situation.
How did you get past criticizing things you disagreed with and move towards simply focusing on things you believe you be true and of value?
Beyond that, what was your transition like?
At first it was very easy to criticize. The blinders came off and there was so much to process. It was immensely satisfying to finally say the quiet part out loud. So much that didn’t have to be dismissed anymore. Satisfying yes, but also immature in hindsight.
Open criticism alerts those in your safe circle that you are no longer safe. I could no longer be trusted. People quickly passed around the warning, “Don’t believe anything she says.”
There is a lifetime’s worth of betrayal that just doesn’t negate itself overnight. It’s OK to mourn the ideal that you lost. There are valid emotions that people need to process. Let it pass through like a wave and then let it go.
The Lord was patient with me and also mindful of the heart of my husband. I wanted him to “get it” too. What had effectively taken me months, if not years, to prepare for culminated in a Twilight Zone moment in January 2018 where all the jagged puzzle pieces suddenly made sense but the foundation had fallen out from under me.
I was not patient with my husband and “beat on his chest” harder than I should have. The Lord warned me that if I didn’t stop pushing so hard, he would likely end up having a heart attack. I took His warning seriously and backed off.
Later, the Spirit of God came to me (as a whisper in my mind as I was washing dishes) and asked if I would commit to Him to not criticize the church at all. If my husband was constantly defending the church against me, the Lord would not be able to persuade him gently, in His own way and according to a timeline much better suited for my sweet husband.
My attention could either face backwards towards the heartache and betrayal or it could face forward towards what God had in store. Of all the women in the Bible the Lord tells us to remember only one: Lot’s wife (Luke 17:32).
She looked back. And it destroyed her.
I’ve seen people on both sides of it. Those who want to stay immersed in their hurt, in the offense; it is absolutely real, but staying there is damning. Keeping eyes on the mess, even as you’re aware its a mess, is no better than having stayed IN the mess. And they continue to spiral downward becoming more intrenched in the hurt of it all. Picking open the scabs to bleed anew.
However, coming to a place of peace with the church and who they are has allowed me to forgive and move on. I’m grateful that I grew up with a loving community. I’m grateful for the guardrails that kept me safe in my childhood and teenage years. I’m grateful that I was taught depth of understanding and had the experiences and friendships that I did. That was beautiful. And if I had to do it over, I would choose to grow up in the church all over again. The ideals mattered. My innocence allowed me to believe that the ideal was reality.
So, today I support my children going to Primary and Seminary. I’m glad that they have the sense of community that the church offers. I’m glad that we otherwise have so much in common. I share uplifting insights from my scripture study and they listen.
And as I’ve come to be at peace in this place, the Lord can use me for His own purposes. Early in September I felt impressed to go to church with my family. There was no reason in particular why I should. I didn’t really want to, but the impression kept flitting about me like a cheerful butterfly. I got ready, and as we were in the car on the way, the Lord pointed out to me that it was the FIRST Sunday in September.
The first Sunday of the month the LDS wards have fast and testimony meeting where anyone can get up and share their thoughts. As this realization dawned on me, He asked if I would get up and share. I was mortified thinking that my husband would think this was the only reason I came. But, I got over my embarrassment and “what ifs”. I got up with every bit of confidence and poise as a lifelong active member of the church and told the story of Hosea and how his love story was a metaphor for the New Covenant. How we ought to take seriously the Book of Mormon and accept it as a covenant. Weeks later people are still complimenting me on how profound my testimony was. And they know I’m “inactive”. I’m sure the paradox is baffling for them.
This space of being awake outside of the dreamlike fantasy world idealized by the ecclesiastical leaders is like finding oneself alone at the foot of Moses’ mountain.
The skies are thickly overcast, low, and menacingly dark. Lightning flashes above your head and there is no color, no life anywhere around you. Just a barren, gravely ground and an invitation to make this tremendous climb into a terrifying unknown.
If the imagery is vivid, it’s because I’m describing a dream I had where I found myself exactly in this position. In that moment I remembered this description of the war horse from Job.
First, I want to read a passage from Job and misapply it, if you will. I want you to imagine that what I am reading is not merely a description of a mortal horse. What I am reading is a description of those horses which pull the chariot upon which Elijah ascended to heaven. This is the horse you need to ride in your quest for heaven. This is the way in which you, too, are to mount up:
Hast thou given the horse strength? hast thou clothed his neck with thunder? Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? the glory of his nostrils is terrible. He paweth in the valley, and rejoiceth in his strength: he goeth on to meet the armed men. He mocketh at fear, and is not affrighted; neither turneth he back from the sword. The quiver rattleth against him, the glittering spear and the shield. He swalloweth the ground with fierceness and rage: neither believeth he that it is the sound of the trumpet. He saith among the trumpets, Ha, ha; and he smelleth the battle afar off, the thunder of the captains, and the shouting. (Job 39:19-25; see also Job 12:14 RE)
As the battle engages, ride the horse, not away, but toward the sound.
And rather than shrink away to the safety of anywhere else, in my dream I shouted and charged up the mountain.
With all you’ve shared with me of your story, I can say with certainty, you are one of the bravest people I know. What the ascent up the mountain looks like for you, only God can show you that. Ask Him.
