Aimee K
Note: This summary was originally shared on the Daughters of the Covenant Slack group. Original names have been changed to generic references. Jennifer prefers to be transparent and use her name.
I reached out and talked to Jennifer Willis yesterday for almost 4 hours. For my part I think I had a lot of epiphanies. I recognized that there was misunderstanding that went both ways, and she was open to have the record corrected. I do think that there’s a lot of wisdom in keeping good records (something for which she’s criticized) because our memories are faulty and may lose or embellish the facts over time. We agreed that in the case of Judge Kavanaugh his lifelong habit of keeping a daily record was critical in settling the facts of an accusation.
The way that a point can be driven home for me is through examples and metaphors. So that’s what I’m going to share.
I’m going to break this up into topical parts so anyone can respond under a paragraph instead of at the end of a big block of text.
200 vs 2
Fielding all of the texts, calls, emails from 200+ women by conference organizers was objectively a difficult task. I have more compassion now for the heavy lifting they did while everyone around them applied the worst possible intentions over their endeavor and fought them every step of the way.
Peace in Christ Open House
Jennifer was under the impression that the Peace in Christ open house that had been organized was done in direct competition to steal women away from her conference. I shared with her the verbiage that I posted on my blog and the intention as it was posted on the organizer’s website.
This Open House is a safe landing spot for men who are waiting and praying while the Women’s Conference next door does the needful. We will be serving coffee and doughnuts, doing introductions, sharing testimonies, and personal journeys into the movement. We have wonderful speakers and presenters lined up for both men and women in the evening after the Conference canon vote.
Jennifer mentioned that there was a TBD during the hours when the vote was supposed to take place, which concerned her. The TBD was on the website prior to speakers accepting the invitation, so although there was fear that we were somehow planning a gotcha, there was nothing nefarious actually happening. The final Open House schedule was as follows:
Schedule:
8:30 – 9:30 am: Coffee & Doughnuts
9:30am – Noon: Fellowship & Testimonies
Noon – 1:30 pm: Lunch break – Pizza and Bakery Items
Potluck Items by Locals
500 W Center, Provo
2 pm to 3 pm: Suffering Servants
3 pm to 4 pm: Sound Meditation
6:30 to 8:30pm: Passover Presentation
Initially the Open House Organizer thought that it could act as an occasional break room, but with the potential of the occasional respite being used as an all day escape, Conference Organizers made full attendance a requirement to vote.
And although from the Conference Organizer’s perspective it looked like the Peace-in-Christ Open House was trying to sabotage their conference, the Open House Organizer felt impressed to get the room prior to anyone knowing about the trial plans for the women’s conference. Her efforts and sacrifice were at heaven’s direction and were a great blessing for the men who would have otherwise had no conference activities during that time.
Legal Threats
I got the distinct impression that Jennifer was wielding a team of high-powered lawyers at every turn. However, according to what she’s shared here:
On May 3, 2024 WCL2 organizer’s lawyer sent us a letter. Our lawyer responded to her lawyer’s threat on May 5, 2024.
So really, it was one response to a lawyer’s letter that the council initiated in the world of legal threats.
I told her that this perception of further legal threat was why they wouldn’t use her name in documents. They were afraid that she would sue them. Jennifer laughed and said, “Didn’t you call me Voldemort?” I said, no. What I said specifically was, “The-Woman-Who-Has-a-Dispute sounds too much like a character from Harry Potter that I’d rather not evoke. So to avoid the lengthy moniker I will refer to her as Eve.”
And she said that she rather liked Eve.
Doxing Anonymous Bishop (AB)
Jennifer pointed out that people regularly responded in AB’s comment section using his first name. She asked me specifically how he was harmed by calling him out by name, and I couldn’t answer that. I know it was deeply hurtful and upsetting to their family, but I didn’t know the specifics; how his business or professional relationships had suffered. His blog is back up and otherwise intact, excepting the one post directed at MIQ, which has been taken down.
Her reasoning was that AB should not be at liberty to publicly call MIQ out by name and simultaneously hide behind his blog’s anonymity. While I disagreed with her actions, I understood the logic.
I countered that political commentators on Twitter use anonymity to say things bluntly and to protect themselves from aggressive political opponents. Their livelihoods would be jeopardized if people started harassing their employers over stupid political differences. She disagreed with me that they should be allowed to hide behind anonymity for political purposes.
Relationship with MIQ
Marriages, births, and deaths are recorded. Adultery and murders are not. At least, not until they are found out.
Jennifer explained how she convinced MIQ to keep a journal since the work he is doing internationally is very important. But extra books are hard to carry when you’re living out of a backpack. So she and John would write down daily texts so the activities of his day could be documented. If he didn’t send a memory for the day, they’d remind him. John is on all calls Jennifer has with men and even listened on our call, with my knowledge and advance permission. He didn’t say much except when Jennifer asked him a question about something.
My husband and I share friends, one of whom is a man who I helped re-draft his resume. I have technical and writing skills that allowed me to help him put his best foot forward when looking for a new job. He wasn’t willing to sing his own praises as much as I was, so my assistance was easy for me, known and encouraged by my husband and his wife, and appreciated by him.
This, for me, turned out to be a big nothing-burger.
Zoom Feed & Voting
One woman created the informal voting website, and we hoped that remote votes might be included by the voice of common consent. Council women didn’t have control over it and wouldn’t disavow it. I helped the day of, by adding the ballot questions. By the time voting rolled around we all knew that our votes wouldn’t officially count, but we wanted to vote anyway to make up for feeling disenfranchised. Even on the ballot the last part was, “I acknowledge that this ballot will only be counted in Heaven’s record.”
We can’t control one another. Conference organizers couldn’t control Council women. Council women couldn’t control the one woman who created the voting website. Remote women couldn’t control the Zoom feed and nobody could stop the rebel phone line from staying open. Nobody could control anybody else, so we all did the best we could struggling against ourselves within the realm of what we could control.
The lack of control chaos felt a little bit like this:
But in the end it all worked out. The vote overwhelmingly sustained the council women and any other discussion on specific council grievances at this point is moot. The matter is settled. Jennifer is certainly still very passionate about the whole thing, but she concedes that the matter is settled.
Perceived Bias
From Jennifer’s perspective Stephanie treated the women’s council with gentleness, patience and soft words. But for her Stephanie treated her roughly, and was prickly and tough.
I pointed out how Stephanie cut off [MIQ wife] when she was speaking at the end. Jennifer said that by that point, the women’s council had used up all of their allotted time with the preceding council members. [MIQ Wife]’s testimony actually cut 10 minutes into their ½ hour. But it was allowed.
Both sides of this dispute perceived Stephanie as being tough towards them, in particular. The reality, outside of any of our personal biases and limited perspectives, is more likely that Stephanie was neutral. If you look at the vote total with everyone’s names listed, Stephanie did not vote. That is evidence of neutrality in execution.
One woman expressed this well saying, “I found that because I was giving Jennifer and Organizer-2 the same chance to answer my questions as the women’s council, many took that to mean I was “on their side”. We interpret others’ actions through our own understanding, experience, bias, etc. Oftentimes just treating someone who is generally disliked by the larger community as an equal/without malice or doubt or distrust, results in the larger community assuming an alliance that doesn’t exist in reality.”
Nefarious
One of my concerns was a post that Jennifer made on her blog about engaging with a demonic spirit after watching a movie called Nefarious. The movie was actually a Christian one, and portrayed how the devil manipulates people. I imagine it’s similar the Screwtape letters by C.S. Lewis. She’s learned to discern through the chatter, which we are all exposed to, God’s voice from all others. She’s actually got a pretty solid relationship with Jesus and an ongoing conversation with Him. And when He talks to her it’s usually to correct her, which to be fair…that tracks with my own experience.
Boogeyman
Jennifer recognizes that she is highly disliked, more than anyone else in this community. She said she’ll read things written about her here and it’s like reading something about someone else because the portrayal is so far from reality. Surreal almost.
Jennifer also seems to have been endowed with this unique ability to be totally misunderstood. Much more so in written form. She said that it takes her sometimes an hour to compose a post trying to figure out all the ways the way she phrases something could be misinterpreted. What’s really important in everything is intention. And what I gathered in our hours of conversation that her intention is for what’s right; a highest ideal.
One of the concerns I’ve heard was that she would hold a council and take away the priesthood certificates of all the husbands of council members. She was shocked at this. “Why would I do that? That wouldn’t be productive at all.”
I’ve also noticed that despite my best efforts to stimulate conversation here over the last two months I have been mostly unsuccessful. I have access to Slack analytics and in the last few months the lowest day only had 10 people come on and 4 people posting. With Jennifer we’ve jumped to 93 active and 53 posting.
So, between the misconceptions, projections and reality with one Jennifer Willis, the fact remains that her presence seems to grease the wheels of our community growth through struggle against this perceived boogeyman. But she can take it. She’s got a beautiful family, a healthy marriage, a peaceful and idyllic life in the country. She’s good. She’s not going anywhere. She’s found greater light and truth in this movement that is afoot and she’s in it for the long haul.
I’m not saying that the angst isn’t real. It is. The stress that people have been under has been very real. And health is compromised when we are stressed. I will break out in hives when I have too much cortisol in my system. That’s very real.
Stephanie’s comment about distress tolerance made me pay more attention. We need that. Because in some coming day we will be under a very real threat requiring internal fortitude and strength of mind to make it through intact. Those who feel safe now will not in reality be safe in a coming day, “And all things shall be in commotion, and surely men’s hearts shall fail them, for feal shall come upon all people” T&C 86:18
Looking back over what I’ve gained versus where we would have been without any of this drama.
We have this place, built so that we can interact with each other, get to know each other and talk. I have built friendships that are so precious to me, because we struggled together through the dispute. And I’m grateful for what I’ve gained.
Two sides to every coin
We have problems. Our group clearly includes people with severe personality disorders. Some people have trauma from their past, making it difficult to develop healthy relationships with others. There are people who lack self-awareness and are puzzled when they offend others with inappropriate conduct. Additionally, many of us refuse to ever accept responsibility for our own dreadful behavior. Our infighting suggests that we are not true followers of Jesus.
There are narcissists, egomaniacs, and aspiring souls who crave recognition because they are hollow inside. There are sexual deviants. At least two men are in prison for sex crimes. I have heard allegations of at least one other man who may also present a sexual threat to children. Our ranks include many who cannot be gathered into a community of peace of one heart and one mind. We have people in our community who are marred by sin and unrepentant. There are foolish people led astray by their egos and ambitions who assert they are entitled to lead others. They ask to be supported by tithes and be given offices or positions of authority. These people are evil, inspired by an adversary who seeks to destroy souls.
On the other hand, many men and women have great intellect, knowledge, skills, education, and wisdom. They are willing to help and do things that lift others. The contributions of these people have made possible the many things have been accomplished. These include recovering, compiling, and publishing the Restoration Edition of the scriptures, organizing nineteen general conferences and over fifty regional conferences, organizing fellowships and distributing tithing to those in need. It has required a body of faithful believers to accomplish what has been done. However, these accomplishments do not hide what we lack. Clearly, there remain obstacles for us to overcome to be gathered into a community and live in peace with one another.
Initially I was excited to hear this explicit call out. Surely, Jennifer and MIQ would see their faults now! But Jennifer told me yesterday that she thought the description was applicable to women on the council. Huh…
So, it occurred to me that maybe this applies to the faults and virtues of each one of us individually. We are dynamic beings. I have good days and bad. Objectively I fit into the category of people with “personality disorders”. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2015 and it’s the one thing that I most hate about myself, because I do have moments. But I also am willing to turn myself inside out, working until I’m a puddle of exhaustion on projects that bless and benefit this community. I think the women’s Covenant of Christ recording project is a good example of my capacity for positive contribution.
Safety
Feeling safe versus actual safety are two very different things. Feeling safe and saved in the LDS church is very easy. However, perception is not always reality. Feeling safe is often a dangerous illusion. One in which we become lazy and the devil can lead our souls carefully down to hell.
Feeling unsafe is a very real experience for a child learning to swim for the first time. It feels really scary. A child can panic and fight the lessons in terror. But Dad is right there with his hand under you. He’s not going to let you drown and he’s going to talk you through it and take it one step at a time. And maybe each new lesson feels like you’re going to drown all over again, but you’re actually building skills that will save your life later on.
Mirror and triggers
I re-read Jennifer’s introduction after talking to her and recognized that there was a lot of wisdom in her insight into being triggered. I am triggered by things that I don’t like about myself that I see in others. And to add to this insight, I noticed that women who were making accusations or fearful of specific behavior were actually themselves doing, or willing to do the things that they were concerned about.
Gathering Israel
Different tribes, different cultures, different religious backgrounds, different social standards and expectations. Gathering people in from every corner of the world sounds wonderful in theory but will likely be quite distressing in execution. Why? Because we don’t always understand the motivations and intentions behind why someone behaves a certain way. Much of our social interaction is defined by culture but the gospel transcends culture. We need to figure out how to effectively communicate among this people with whom we generally have the same background and increase our stress tolerance (as Stephanie put it). Because some of the things that we do will likely be triggering and we need to be secure enough to recognize that the projections of others do not define reality and be patient enough to work through big feelings and misunderstandings.
Imagine for a moment that a beautiful Covenant Christian woman in a modest red dress enters a room full of people. Now pause for just a moment. How long is the dress? Does it have short sleeves or long? What’s the neckline? What kind of shoes is she wearing?
Now update your perspective to realize that the room full of people includes devout Muslim men, whose expectations of a righteous woman is being covered literally head to foot. They might feel a surge of sexual attraction for seeing a woman outside of their cultural context and immediately feel angry and blame her for their feelings. Is it her fault? Does she need to apologize?
